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1. |
Sleep Well
04:00
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Waking up
with such a jolt
from this burly bed
I’ve thrown off the covers.
How you don’t wake up at all
is a study in practiced toleration.
Eyes aflutter
open up
and I’m looking around as if walls were windows.
How did it go wrong?
Was all planned out.
If these ghosts would fade
I’d pull back the covers.
Are you sleeping well?
I’m never quite sure
never quite
never quite
I’m never quite sure.
How do you get
back when fallen down
as a boy
who’s never good enough
and all of you won’t wait.
Eyes aflutter
open up
and I’m looking around as if walls were windows.
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2. |
Gather
02:26
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Gather up the children
and get them to the basement.
(R.I.P., disillusioned)
It started when he lost his job
at Churn & Burn Incorporated.
“What a weird little world this is...” we say
as we go about our business.
Gather up the children
to practice words and figures.
We must make sure
they’re well prepared
when judged against their peers.
We’ve made it when
they’ve all got jobs
at Churn & Burn Incorporated.
“What a weird little world this is...” we say
and ignore the repetition.
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3. |
The Longest Drive
03:18
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Stop
pull me from the crowd.
I want to get out.
We travel in a hearse.
The engine’s breaking down.
Easy as it goes.
Fighting for space.
Up against a curse
that’s tearing at us.
Remember when our star was bright?
We held tight but started slipping.
I couldn’t make it last when it felt right
so I had to go.
I had to go home.
Just thought that I should tell you.
Start
accumulating songs
lining up words
burning up the scraps
it’s taking way too long.
Don’t know who to trust.
Trust in myself.
Rack full of doubt,
recorded.
Let’s say a prayer before we go
one for the darkness we have just been through.
I will remember where I was
when I first knew I’d be giving up.
It’s gonna be the longest drive.
For the first time I am sure.
It’s a shame that we must wait some more.
It’s gonna be the longest drive.”
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4. |
White Slip
03:56
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Old friend, step into my office.
What is it you want?
I’m short on time.
You look bitter and frustrated
tired and beaten down.
Well, here’s some instruction:
Lose your nerve.
Forget the battles you fought before.
They never made much sense
when it came down to paying rent.
And there are perks to being corporate whores:
the shiny toys help you forget your doubts.
After all, I used to see things from your eyes
and questioned sense of worth
through sleepless nights.
Though, soon I was waving the white flag on high
and the feeling of relief trumped the defeat.
(Get out before the music stops.
Drop…it when you’ve had enough.
This dream life can come undone;
can go in a minute.
Get out before the music stops
Act... like nothing’s wrong
and when you’ve had enough, just run.)
And though I’m sleeping now
sometimes my head still fills with prose.
And if you’re seeing me writing it down
then you will know (Once again…)
that though I may have given up, (I might as well…)
I hope that others might not.
I hope that others might not.
So if you’re thinking about
losing nerve,
forgetting battles you fought before
When they just make no sense
and it comes down to paying rent,
Though there are perks to being corporate whores,
you’ll ever forget what you came here for.
You’ll never forget why you’re here.
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5. |
Callow Hours of Youth
04:39
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Recalling the callow hours of our youth:
Dreaming of noble words to sing
Crowning by 23 or so;
infants photograph as kings.
Another year passes on,
another year passes over.
Recalling the callow hours of our youth:
Dreaming of fairytale romance.
Waltzing by 26 or so;
children do a grown-up dance.
Another year fraught with doubt,
another year gone without her.
Another year passes on…
Recalling the callow hours of our youth:
Dreaming of endless days to rest.
Sleeping by 33 or so;
students learn the art of death.
(Stay up late, stay up with me.)
Another year in the ground,
another year keeps you grounded.
another year passes on…
(It’s better if you accept this life.)
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6. |
On The Tip of My Tongue
03:50
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Words on the tip of my tongue,
trying to donate my blood to a common someone.
Songs seeping through the membranes,
getting under my skin.
She will drive me insane.
Oh, it never gets cold in spring.
It could never get colder now.
Went another night sleeping all alone,
my memories are the only ones
that will ever come back.
Ever come back.
So you might as well find another home--
my fortune was to let you go
You’ll be gone either way;
nothing sick can stay.
last chorus: [and there’s nothing left to say]
Blood on the tip of my tongue.
trying to keep the venom from an unfit no one.
Woe every step of the way,
scorning all that I love,
everything that I say.
Please, let me forget
all the days wasted on you.
Now that I see that we’re all broken.
But you are irreparable.
Fuck your friends,
your advice,
your art,
your part-time.
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7. |
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Little girl lies well
confusing her soul,
reeking of frailty
and alcohol.
All young lovers go.
rotten teeth say so.
So blacken the cradle
once again now.
Those juvenile signals
only sucked me down.
(Is this my mistake?
we were once that age,
(but) without demons to evade.)
All young lovers go
once they’ve shed all of their clothes.
(You’ve cut yourself in the mess.
Your feigned innocence bleeds out.)
All young lovers go.
Ask me how I know.
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8. |
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He smugly nods and smiles
rendering everybody dumb.
And after careful manicures
he gives his hands to scum.
No human love
could ever thaw this soul out.
“How are you doing, Robot?”
Where will you go when you’ve sold all you know?
Who’s gonna get you out,
gonna get you high
when you feel low?
He sleeps with money-bag pillows
and shops for slaves in cyberspace.
Phoniness seeps from open wounds
dealt by loneliness beneath.
No true passion
has ever stirred in his gut.
“How are you doing, Robot?”
Not even Napoleon could save your conquest from caving in.
And you wonder,
“Where is the motivation?”
Good luck pushing empty homes
carving paper plans
from a heart of stone.
Good luck cloning empty drones
carving rubber hands.
from your heart of stone.
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9. |
One Found One
03:22
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One found one too much.
Two souls kiss close.
But lust bowed out
or never woke.
Hands,
mouths,
bodies lay low.
If you settle down and give in
stay here for awhile
it’s gonna be alright now.
When you settle down and give in
stay here for awhile
it will be alright if you try.
Could never seem to find the three in one.
Though I forgive you all for falling short.
I only blame myself.
Almost.
Could never seem to find the three in one.
But I forgive you all for falling short.
I only blame myself.
Almost doesn’t count.
(Two…. Three… Four… One…)
One found one.
What a breathtaking sympathy.
But sense bled then atrophied.
Slow songs;
A symphony long gone.
Can you try to bend squares,
smoothing out the edges round?
Can you hide the unshared,
and plug the holes with sound?
One found one,
honed the arts of sex and debate.
But drugs couldn’t raise the gate.
Love-numbed;
an antidote for hate.
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10. |
The First
03:29
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Eyes looking up at my eyes
looking down at my toes.
We both know
that beneath concealed smiles
where our words are no good,
heaven knows.
On the first
We start up north
past hulks of steel,
plate glass and rock;
souvenirs I can live without.
Make haste when packing our bags
we don’t want to miss out
on getting out.
And with luck on our side
we’re in Halcott by night.
Then lay low.
On the first
we started off
past molten steel
and crumbled rock;
souvenirs I can live without.
I cry out,
“What’s done is done
and we’ll carry on.”
(I didn’t know it was real.
Don’t wanna leave all this molten steel
and crumbled rock.
You go on…)
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11. |
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Wake.
I’ve been sleeping a long time
in space
where each night lasts a lifetime.
I’m a fool if I think they’ll care.
War.
Did it finally break out?
I’m sure.
But from here things look alright.
You’re a fool if you think we’ll care.
(Unless
you can
take a photograph
of this.
Enlist anyone left.)
It’s the first time I’m not coming back
and the first time you’ve been this impressed.
Now a burned disk is all I have left
but it skips as if purposely scratched.
And the words it repeats like refrains
are from songs that I thought we’d erased.
And though feelings have faded with time
it still betters the state of my mind.
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Camilla New York, New York
Camilla is:
Evan Grove – Vocals, Guitars, Synths, Percussion, Banjo, Programming
Ethan Fixell – Vocals, Guitars, Percussion, Synths, Programming
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